January 31, 2004

Contact CtS

We welcome your questions and comments!

For general questions about the site, please drop an email to us at: questions (@) circling.org

If you are interested in writing for Circling the Squre, please consult these Submission Guidelines.

Posted by scola at 06:16 PM | Comments (0)

Submission Guidelines

So... you want to write for Circling the Square?

Citizen! It is a bold and glorious thing you do, to offer to write about The Truth. The Truth will often bite you on the ass with mean Truth teeth; however, when the Truth starts purring, it's a lovely thing indeed. Good Truth. Nice Truth.

Our website, Circling the Square, is dedicated to the proposition that The Truth is best served free of charge, with wit and just a soupcon of satire.

We accept that all people have access to the Truth if they just look hard enough, so anyone can send us articles. We'll look them over, and if we believe they are True enough, we'll put them up on the web page, after a day or two to consult our joss sticks and deal with Hoyce, the demon of HTML. We generally do not edit the Truth, except when Hoyce creates typographical or grammatical errors in an article. We're afraid that while the Truth may make you free, it also is free: we do not pay for articles, since we don't make any money on this site.

But, you say, how may I know if what I write is the Truth, or just some garbage that belongs on Slashdot or the Nando Times? We've discovered that the Truth is topical, conspiratorial, and earnest. Some would also add that the Truth is amusing. We do not agree.

TOPICAL: our articles are based on current news. Ideally, stories should have a link to a news site somewhere in the article. We exist to cast doubt on "reality"; it's best to have a link to reality so we can reveal its hideous falsehood to the world.

CONSPIRATORIAL: They're out there, and it's our job to talk about them! Articles should clearly establish a villainous, evil organization that is behind seemingly innocuous events. Possibly two organizations. Three is overkill. Be sure to use proper adjectives like heinous, diabolical, and cabalistic; there are no adjectives too dark and evil for the cackling hierarchs of malice who lead organizations like HYDRA, SPECTRE, KAOS, THRUSH, and PAGAN.

EARNEST: The tone is the trickiest part of the CtS story. There are people out there who Believe in conspiracies, but they don't go far enough in their beliefs: they are unwilling to see the actions of conspiracies in activities such as eating tuna and watching the Olympics. We know better. We demand committed research from our writers: you must ferret out every trace of the conspiracy, and report its activities with unstinting zeal, and must not embrace a limited conspiracy, or show doubts about the conspiracy's existence! We are the Jehovah's Witnesses of the fringe!

AMUSING: We are not amusing. We are Serious. Humor, however, is often the best way to throw the conspiracy off of our scent. If our writers didn't know howto employ the occasional joke or droll reference to popular culture, they would have been "erased" by the Powers That Be long ago.

For some reason, some article writers think that we are just like the Onion. Nothing could be further from the Truth. The Onion is a tissue of lies. We are the Truth. The Onion is fake news stories. We are twisted, yet shockingly accurate, commentary on real news stories. You must understand the difference if you are to write for us!

We're also open to ideas for columns. If you have an idea for a column, please let us know. Note that we'd expect a fairly constant output from a columnist.

As an elementary safety precaution, we ask that all contributors to our website use a pseudonym. It's probably best to bounce any emails to us through at least three anonymous servers as well.

Please give us your real life history, judiciously edited, for use in our Bios section; take a look at our True histories as an example of what is safe to write, and what is not.

If you believe you are up to the task, please send your story pitches/submissions to contribute@circling.org.

Posted by scola at 06:09 PM | Comments (0)

Our Mission

What is Circling the Square?

Good question.

We are a righteous knee in the groin of disinformation, fingers of Truth gouging deeply into the bloodshot eyes of deception. We delve into the deepest, darkest corners of the media; skulk through hideous movie sequels; probe paranoid publications and saucer-nut screeds. More often than not, we find hideous secrets Man Was Not Meant To Know. And we bring them to you, in the comfort of your own home. Because even in these, the END TIMES, it's all about comfort.

We believe that the End Times are Near. The Apocalypse, Ragnarok, the Rapture, X-Day: the harbingers of doom are sounding their trumps as we speak. Some people, foolishly, view the end of the world with sadness, doom, and despair. However, just think of the possibilities of working the stock market as the entire global economy goes in the crapper! Picture the amazing live news footage you're going to see! Consider the huge amounts of sex everyone's going to be having once they realize all hope is gone! Yes, we believe that, for the individual who is prepared, the end times can be lucrative and enjoyable. We're here to tell you how you too can Learn to Love the Bomb.

We believe that black-ops government/UN/scientific forces manipulate and control events in everyday life. From NASA to the ASPCA to the WWF, sinister shadow-government operatives stalk our day-to-day lives. We show you how to keep abreast of current trends in covert assassinations and mind-control. We also teach you how to throw the occasional monkey wrench (and even an occasional perfused monkey head!) into the conspiratorial machine. Like a helpful traffic reporter, we'll let you know how to avoid time-consuming torture sessions and electrode implants that could take entire days out of your life.

We believe that mysterious alien races, cryptozoological beasties, hidden sub-races of man, and monstrous Old Ones share this planet with us and manipulate us to their ends. But we'll help show you how manipulation can be... pleasurable. TV shows from Harry and the Hendersons to Mork and Mindy to A.L.F. have shown us the great gains, not to mention screwball humor, that can ensue with the proper relationship to an extraterrestrial. Just consider us to be the Brandon Tartikoff of intergalactic relations: we want to make sure the aliens aren't just entertaining, but family friendly too.

Most of all, we believe that the general public needs to be better informed. Through our radio show we kept the Greater Philadelphia area aware of the dangers and deceptions hidden in the news media; now, with this Web Page, we seek to educate the world! If you too share our goal, please let us know! We are always looking for more hard-hitting analyses of current events and news.

Keep watching the skies...and always watch your back.

Posted by scola at 05:45 PM