Pentagon Rewards Spielberg's Subservience

By Professor J. Scola

Well known director/producer Steven Spielberg will soon have a new bauble to place aside his Academy Awards and Golden Globes. This new honor, for which even his prized Daytime Emmys will surely make way, is none other than the Defense Department Public Service Award-the highest award that the military can present to a civilian. Spielberg will receive this award in honor of his work on the film "Saving Private Ryan," a film that, according to Defense Spokesman Ken Bacon, encouraged "a national dialogue about World War II," particularly concerning the "cool explosions" and the "people getting their limbs blown off and stuff" that so characterized the Second World War. Defense Secretary William "Mad Dog" Cohen will present the metal to Spielberg at a lavish Pentagon ceremony at some point in the near future (we could specify, but then we'd have to kill you).

While Steve searches through his wardrobe for an appropriate suit to match the pasty white complexions of his buddies at the Pentagon, let us not allow ourselves to be fooled into missing the true meaning of this award. Though the Pentagon may tell us that they are recognizing Spielberg only for this one particular war flick, we here at CtS are all too aware of the real situation: The Pentagon is actually rewarding Spielberg for a lifetime of subservience. As we mentioned earlier, the Defense Department Public Service Award is the most prestigious award that a civilian can receive from the military. Can we honestly refer to Spielberg as a civilian, however, when he has spent his entire career as a one man propaganda machine for the corrupt and sinister forces that control the Pentagon?

The works of Steven Spielberg have penetrated deeply into the unsuspecting consciousness of the American people. There is nothing inherently wrong with this; after all, he could have used his skills to enlighten and inform a movie going populace that would otherwise be shrouded in ignorance. Spielberg, however, did not choose this path. Rather, his career has been one of cunning misdirection and blatant disinformation.

Consider, for instance, the Spielberg movies that have presented us with benevolent portrayals of "extra terrestrial" life. The earliest of these films was 1977's "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," in which the aliens simply wish to establish harmonious relations with the human race. They accomplish this task by engaging the humans in a sort of electro-orchestral jam session (before packing a handful of them into the spaceship for probing, experimentation, and eventual dissection-although producer Spielberg cut this part out of the movie). In "E. T." (which Spielberg both produced and directed) viewers are presented with a wrinkly, yet cuddly little alien who casts healing rays from his fingers and wishes nothing more than to find a way home. While this image of alien life may have been a comforting one at the time, you can rest assured that the real aliens will be firing death rays, not healing rays, and that their intention is not to return to their home, but to exterminate humanity and take over OUR home: planet earth.

Also, let us not forget the more recent Spielberg production: "Men in Black". While it is true that this film features an alien antagonist, virtually all the other aliens in the picture are presented as harmless entities that peacefully co-exist with humanity. This is precisely the sort of notion that you feed a population to make them docile and accomidating for a pentagon sanctioned invasion force! Far, far worse than this, however, is the essential message of the film: that it is acceptable and even desirable for a government agency to exist covertly, operate in complete independence from elected officials, and to "erase the memories" of anyone who should learn of their activities. Think about it: spielberg produces a hit movie with this dubious premise, and now the Pentagon wants to give him an award - what a surprise! Remember kids, despite what you saw at the movies, the Pentagon still erases memories the old fashioned way: with a 9mm slug to the back of your head. Beware!

Of course, we could probe the Spielberg filmography further for additional evidence. We could bring up 1987's "Batteries Not Included" in which biomechanical aliens assist the elderly (they don't even devour them at the end, what a ripoff!). We could also bring up films such as Jurassic Park, Jaws, and Arachnophobia, in which dinosaur, shark, and spider antagonists (respectively) have served to distract the American public from the real monsters in our midst (for example, the mutated demon-frogs that the military is developing in the pacific-northwest). Yes, friends, we could go on with this, but instead: we are going to tell you how to cash in on the situation!

If any of you out there are budding screenwriters, it is time to use this startling Spielbergian revelation to your advantage. As we have learned, Steve Spielberg is a stooge for the Pentagon. Thus, we know he is perpetually on the lookout for scripts that are sympathetic to that cause. Do you write romance? Write a film in which a government cover-up brings a man and a woman together. Is comedy more your genre? Then write a movie about a wacky guy who destroys classified documents in the Pentagon basement. (Actually, I have already written a script along these lines called "Shreddin" and it was optioned last month! Chi-Ching!) All it takes is a little imagination and a keen knowledge of the "lighter side" of our military's darker side, and you too will be making a nice living as a Hollywood screenwriter!